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Saturday, July 29, 2023
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Vickie Selvage posted a condolence
Saturday, July 29, 2023
My mother was born on April 4, 1934 to Elmer and Eva Gordon. She was supposed to be born on April 1st, but she fooled her parents and came 3 days late. Her older sister, Helen, had died at birth, so mom was raised as an only child.
She was born in the depression era, into a frugal family that in later years amassed an impressive margarine bowl collection. Santa Claus fulfilled her big wish one year by bringing her the can of spinach she had requested. She grew up on Camargo Road in Madisonville and attended Cincinnati Public Schools. She used to walk home from school to eat lunch and one day was embarrassed to find that she forgot to wear her shoes when she went back to class.
She wore her long beautiful curly hair in braids. One day she decided she was done with them and cut them off. She got in big trouble for doing it, but she never grew her hair long again.
In some ways my mom was not an only child. Her cousins Jimmy and Lawrence Truitt were often at her home for months at a time, and were like brothers to her.
My mom was a good student, and she had many friends. A group of friends that she had met in kindergarten and who graduated from Withrow High School met monthly for decades to go out to lunch together. I believe my mother is the last of that group to have passed away.
After high school, my mom attended the Christ Hospital School of Nursing to become a Registered Nurse. While she was attending school, my mother earned money by babysitting. One family that she worked for was the Telfords. One day Scott Telford had picked her up and stopped for gas on the way to his house. His family owned a trucking company, Telford & Lux, and they had a gas pump. When he stopped in, his nephew Bill Lux was working as a mechanic and was covered in grease. He saw the beautiful young woman in the car and asked his uncle for an introduction. Despite describing him as a grease monkey, my mama must have seen something there, and their first date was to see Snow White at a drive-in movie theater.
I learned this week that my dad, who was quite a math whiz, helped her with her physics homework and helped her pass that class. When my mom graduated in June of 1955, she was “capped” with the Christ Hospital’s unusual style of nurses cap which was heavily starched and ironed and gathered into a wavy pattern in the back. It looked like a miniature cap that could have fit on a baby doll, but it was a distinctive look that area medical professionals recognized, and that my mother was very proud to wear.
A few months after her graduation, she and my dad married on September 10, 1955. My mother worked as a Registered Nurse for Dr. Englert, a local pediatrician, until her first daughter, Melinda, was born in 1957. Pam followed in 1959, then Sandy came in 1962, and finally in 1964 they got it right and stopped with me.
My mother set aside her nurses cap for a while, but it was always in view, perched on a little white stuffed skunk atop her dresser.
My parents loved to play card games: pinochle, and bridge, and canasta. They had friends over regularly to play, including Tom and Ruth McMann, Gayle and John Kaufmann, and others.
As we have shared and compared memories this past week, one thing that all my sisters and I agreed on, was that reading was a priority in our home. Lindy said, “Mom read to us every night, and made sure we went to the library often so we always had fresh books to read. Our favorites were fairy tales. She didn’t read much herself, mostly because she didn’t have much time, but she did enjoy Erma Bombeck’s humor. I remember she read all of Erma’s books and her newspaper column. I think she enjoyed them because they were down to earth humor and dealt with subjects Mom herself was dealing with. The main subject of Erma’s humor was American life, especially suburban housewives.”
Sandy said, “I remember her reading chapter books to us a chapter a day, and because of that I did it with my kids.” I did that too. I think we all did, and we have each created a new generation of great readers.
Another common memory was that Saturday morning was weekly chore time. It competed directly with Saturday morning cartoons, which we were not allowed to watch until we finished working. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-BatMan! Just kidding. We were NOT allowed to watch Batman!
It wasn’t all hard work though, we went bowling regularly on Saturday mornings, we went roller skating at Castle Skateland, and we all remember our birthday parties. They weren’t fancy, but we played fun games, got prizes, and always had cake and ice cream. Mom made special cut-out birthday cakes for us. Lindy remembers her lion cake and a butterfly cake; Sandy’s favorite was a turtle (baked in mom’s big blue Pyrex bowl for the rounded shell) and my favorite was Winnie-the-Pooh when I turned 8. And the piñatas! Every birthday had a handmade piñata. Newspapers dipped in a flour paste mix and stretched over a balloon hanging from the basement ceiling, left to dry overnight, with a new layer added each day until the pinata was strong enough to hold a big load of candy. Then she would paint and decorate it, and we would line up to take turns whacking it until it burst and we raced to pick up the Smarties and Tootsie Rolls and Dubble-Bubble gum from the ground before someone else grabbed more than we did.
My sisters and I weren’t the only ones who benefitted from reading with my mom and fancy birthday cakes. My mom had always supplemented our family’s income by babysitting. But by the time I was born, the family trucking company was no longer in business, and my dad worked for other trucking firms doing logistics. Money was tight, so my mother was taking in a lot of children to watch. We lived in a small home, 700 square feet, with four girls and just one bathroom! But on most days there were an additional ten or so children sharing our home. I remember the regulars: Timmy, Randy, Regina, Ginny, Mark, Monica, Billy Gray, and Little Billy. And the not every-dayers like Christy, Kevin, Kenny, and Gretchen. Kelly, Julie, and Suzanna. Little David, Holly, and Sheila. And my cousins David, Christopher, and Becky.
My mom had a system. Grilled cheese and tomato soup, or peanut butter and jelly with chicken noodle soup for lunch. She was known as a “good cooker” for that menu. Big kids played with homemade playdough while little kids took naps in shifts, and shared the beds while doing it. Outside my dad built a sand table on the driveway at back of the house, and a treehouse down in the yard, and he had made an awesome swing that hung from the giant hackberry tree. We raced bicycles and big wheels and little wheels round and round and round.
And my mom had a new wonderful friend, Janet Blackwelder. Jan had a growing household of her own, though her oldest was just my age. Janet, I believe, was the source of the Baker’s Coconut Cut-up-Cakes book, and possibly the piñata knowledge. I’m not sure who copied whom on that one. But Sandy said, “as an adult, I searched and found the same book she had so I could make those cakes for my kids.” I didn’t use that book, but I too have followed her tradition of homemade birthday cakes for my kiddos. And while Sandy could enter international pinata strength competitions with her creations, I have been known to just buy them from the store. They are NEVER as good that way though. You should all make one for your next family birthday party.
Back to Jan Blackwelder. Janet had a swimming pool in her back yard. Every day in the summer, we would change into swimsuits and head down the street to the Blackwelder’s back yard. My mom had taken a swimming class in school and had a near drowning experience. She was terrified of the water. So she sat on the edge the pool and dangled her feet in the cool water while we swam for hours.
Not only did my mom not swim, she did not DRIVE! Mom learned to drive as a teenager, but quit driving when Melinda was about five years old. Lindy shared, “because she didn’t drive, we sometimes had a hard time getting to special lessons or to things like Girl Scout meetings or football games (I was in the band and had to come home after dark). Mom always managed to find a ride for me somehow. Instead of driving, Mom was our telephone mom in Girl Scouts. I remember she sent homemade treats that were so good. My favorite was blondies.”
Because she didn’t drive, my grandparents came every Friday night to take my mom to Kroger’s to do the grocery shopping. Her parents were very much a part of our family life. Every other week or so, Sandy and I would go home with them after the grocery shopping and stay with them for the weekend. It wasn’t until about ten years ago that I learned that the reason we got to go to grandma’s house so often was because my mom had taken a part time job as a nurse at Mercy hospital on the weekends. I was stunned when she told me that!
At the end of each day, my mom was (deservedly) tired. She would fall asleep within minutes when she sat down in the evening. When questioned, she would always say she wasn’t sleeping, just resting her eyes. Or, “I’m not sleeping, I’m watching TV.” One night, my mom went to take a shower. When she didn’t come out after a very long time, I knocked on the door, and when she didn’t respond, I picked the lock and opened the door. There she was, sound asleep in the tub. I called to her, she jerked awake and said, “I’m not asleep, I’m watching TV.”
I loved to sneak out of bed sometimes at night and join my mom on the couch as she watched her “scary movies”, Barnaby Jones, or Mannix, or Hawaii 5-O.
When she wasn’t babysitting, or cooking, or watching scary movies, my mother was likely to be sewing. She made all of our clothes. ALL.OF.OUR.CLOTHES. The pants usually had what we called “the bellybutton hole” where the zipper did not quite meet the waistband. Pam was very involved with Theatre Arts when she was in high school, and my mom sewed a lot of costumes for their shows. She even sewed wedding dresses for Lindy and Sandy.
My mom also helped at school events by contributing to bake sales. Her lemon bars were a big hit, as were her “blondies” or blonde brownies. We lost her recipe for those years ago, but this week as we were rolling in memories I searched eBay for vintage cookie cookbooks, and I believe I found a copy and it is on the way to my house now. Last weekend I volunteered at an orchestra boosters fundraiser, and as the nostalgia rolled over me I decided to make lemon bars. I’ve never made them before, but discovered that they were super easy, inexpensive, and just as delicious as I remember. And oh my, they were a popular pick! Mom was a tremendous baker. She regularly baked bread (because why not when you live in a tiny non-air conditioned house with 15 people running around?), homemade muffins, cookies and bran muffins.
My dad had mental health issues, and eventually he went on disability and no longer worked. The time had come when my mama picked her nurses cap back up full time.
In 1978, when I was going into high school, my mother began working at Madeira Nursing Center. She worked 3-11:30 shift. Every day before she went to work she would visit her parents, who had moved to a house one street over from us a few years earlier. She checked on them and visited, and then my dad drove her to work.
My mom loved working at MNC. She loved the old people like she had loved the young people. She would stay late after her shift to hold peoples hands when they needed it. At the nursing home, my momma made a new set of friends with the women she worked with.
In 1981, her first grandchild arrived! She was so excited, and couldn’t get enough visits with Justin. She was definitely a proud grandma. While 1981 brought wonderful change, 1982 did not. That year her mother passed away. This change was devastating as the two were very close. It was also the year that I, her last baby, graduated from high school and went away to school, leaving her nest empty for a while.
Grandchildren came slowly at first for my mom. There was a seven year gap between Justin and the next grandson, Wyatt. But then things picked up speed. My sisters got to work at it, and between 1991-1995 they added Johnny, Emily, Lauren, Rachel, Megan, and Phoebe to the list! She was in grandbaby heaven! Another grand baby, Emma, arrived in 2001.
Melinda moved around a lot as an adult. Mom got adventurous and went out to visit them when they lived in Casper, Wyoming in 1992. It was the first time she was ever on a plane. They had a great trip and went to visit Yellowstone National Park.
My dad passed away in 1994. My mother had never, in all of her life, lived alone. So Pam and her daughters, Emily and Lauren, moved in with her. This was a huge blessing and comfort to my mom, especially when her father also passed away in 1996. After grandpa passed away, Sandy’s family moved into his home, and five grandchildren were within easy reach.
For a few years mom continued on at the nursing home. But then when the girls started school they needed some help with academics. Since Pam was working full time, my mother decided she could retire, so her nurses cap went back to its spot on the dresser and Grandma School was born. Once again, she was reading aloud from chapter books each day. Pam remembers that when it came to Harry Potter, my mom would read ahead a lot. My mom was also a big help with learning math. She made sure that the girls were on track at school by teaching them at home too, and especially in the summer repeated the lessons often so they retained their math facts.
Sandy says, “I remember fondly taking the crowd of kids to McDonald’s to play at the play place when Pam had class or worked late. We stayed for hours talking while the kids played. She and I took the kids places together all the time, especially in the summer. Sharon Woods and Winton woods were the favorites, as well as the Y of course. We did that for years until they became teenagers and ditched us. We also did movie nights at grandmas where the kids watched movies and we hung out in the kitchen talking. We spent lots and lots of time talking.”
When mom retired from the nursing home, Sandy was concerned about what would happen to my mom’s health if she wasn’t up and moving any more. She had a lot of mobility issues, with severe pain in her back and knees. So Sandy did the unthinkable. The inconceivable. She talked my mom into joining the YMCA and taking a water exercise class. My mother, who was so terrified of water that she took showers instead of baths (except that one time) actually got in a swimming pool and moved around! She never did put her face in the water or swim, and Sandy had to go with her to the class for the first few months until she overcame her fear, but she did it!
The Y was life changing for my mom. Not only did it keep her mobile, it brought another new group of friends into her life: Brenda, Ann, Charlie, Donna, Julia, Kathy, Bev, her teacher Ruth, and I’m sure others. They were friends in and out of the pool. They gave her rides and even took her to doctors appointments in later years.
Pam and her kids and my mom took several vacations together. In 2000, while I was serving as a missionary in Iowa, they stopped for a visit on their way to the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum in Walnut Grove, Minnesota. They also took a long trip to the west coast and explored Northern California, Oregon, and Washington. My parents had vacationed in the west when they first married and it was a place she had wanted to return to visit.
In 2003, my mom had double knee replacement surgery to alleviate the pain she had been in for years. Pam got married around the same time. Soon after, my mother decided to move into an assisted living facility, and moved into Amber Park in Dillonvale.
She was there for just over a year. The cost was high, and she missed being with her family. So she moved in with Sandy’s family back In Madeira.
Unfortunately for us, Pam had also really enjoyed the trip to the Pacific Northwest, and in 2008 she and her family decided to make that their new home. We gathered the whole family at the new house Sandy was building in Wilmington for a giant farewell party. My mom was so sad about that move, certain that it was too far away and she’d never see Pam and her girls again.
My mom moved to an apartment in Blue Ash in 2011. Sandy was in nursing school and would visit her frequently to take care of her needs. Her friends from the Blue Ash Y rose to the occasion and filled in the gaps, providing rides to the Y and to some doctor’s appointments, and making sure she went out to lunch with them occasionally too. During this time, my mom developed macular degeneration and her vision was gradually declining.
My miracle babies appeared on the scene in 2011 as my mom’s final grandchildren, bringing the total to an even dozen. She was one of the first visitors in the NICU and loved renewing her ability to hold two babies at once.
In 2014, we had a huge surprise party for my mom’s 80th birthday. Many friends and nearly all of our family met at her favorite restaurant, Bob Evans. Pam and her family showing up was the biggest surprise of the day. Pam made it back again for Rachel’s wedding in 2015 and again in 2016. She was in Ohio in 2020, but due to covid restrictions she and her girls were not allowed to see my mom. She made the trip once more in 2021 for Megan’s wedding and was able to have a brief visit with my mom. Unfortunately, at that point, my mother’s dementia was so far advanced that it truly was a final goodbye.
In 2016, my mother moved in with Melinda. Her health was declining, especially her vision. But also her memory was starting to fail. I remember talking to her one day in the car, asking her if she wanted to play a game of Canasta later that day. We had played endless rounds of it in my childhood, and then I had taught several of my friends to play through the years. I had passed on the Canasta tradition to my own family. But that day, mom told me that she didn’t know how to play that game. My heart hurt, and it was the beginning of my mourning for the mother I was losing.
Mom lived with Lindy until 2019 when she moved to an assisted living facility in Xenia, near Sandy. We got her all set up there, but within just a few weeks she had three calls to the life squad, and she really needed full nursing care. She had a major fall, and it appeared that she probably had several mini strokes with brain bleeds. After a brief stay in the hospital, she was transferred to a nursing home, near where I live.
In the early months there, mom enjoyed playing bingo and games that we brought in, like Bananagrams or “Mexican Train” dominos. But her mind was failing. When COVID came in 2020, the nursing home went on lock down, and we were no longer allowed to visit. So she went from nearly daily visits, to none at all. With that separation in place she declined rapidly. These last few years, she has lost her mobility, her vision, and her memories. Visiting her was difficult, and she was extremely unhappy and wished only to be reunited with her loved ones that had passed on before her. Eventually her dementia progressed to the point where her body forgot how to swallow. Within a week she had choked repeatedly and soon developed pneumonia and congestive heart failure. Lindy, Sandy and I gathered around her together. She had a few brief moments where she seemed to recognize us and smiled at us. Before Sandy traveled home later that week, she went to see mom once more. Gently she told her that it was okay to let go. To go and be with her dad and mom and her sister Helen. And my mother listened and did just that. Before Sandy even had time to get home, my mom had passed on to her eternal rest.
We'll love you always mama. Rest in Peace.
Love,
Vickie
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The Wiggins family purchased flowers
Tuesday, July 25, 2023
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We love you grandma we will miss you more than you know. Until we meet again Love,The Wiggins family
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Emily Wiggins posted a condolence
Tuesday, July 25, 2023
Love you grandma I have so many memories I can't pick one. I definitely wish you could have met your grandkids they would have loved you. Rest easy rest comfy
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Your friends at Blue Ash Y. Brenda Kathy, Charlie and Julia planted a tree in memory of Doris Lux
Saturday, July 22, 2023
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Love your cousin, Mary and CJ Crowder planted a tree in memory of Doris Lux
Thursday, July 20, 2023
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We are thinking of you during this difficult...with deepest sympathies. She will be missed. Join in honoring their life - plant a memorial tree
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The family of Doris G. Lux uploaded a photo
Thursday, July 20, 2023
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THOMAS-JUSTIN MEMORIAL FUNERAL HOMES, INC
Serving Cincinnati & Surrounding Areas Since 1954.
Kenwood
Thomas-Justin Memorial
Kenwood Chapel
7500 Montgomery Rd.
Cincinnati, Ohio
45236
Phone: (513) 791-5353
Fax: (513) 791-5004
Email: CLICK HERE
Map
Madisonville
Thomas-Justin Funeral Home
Madisonville Chapel
4418 Whetsel Ave.
Cincinnati, Ohio
45227
Phone: (513) 271-0732
Fax: (513) 791-5004
Email: CLICK HERE